Obama's 3rd Grade Classroom

          OBAMA'S 3rd GRADE CLASSROOM

Senator Sanders got in trouble for talking back to the teacher and giving her lip. He was given one month of community service picking up trash around DC. He ended up blending in with the homeless, and no one knew where he was for a couple of days. When he finally showed up,  his classmates were offended he hadn't showered. He said back home in Vermont, no one would have cared or even noticed. Actually, they would have scolded him if he had showered shaved and bushed his teeth. Big waste of water, and all those good smelling unnatural products, not good for the enviroment ya know.

Senator Kerry got off to a very rough start today. He was scolded for flunking the test on Cap & Trade. Embarassed by the scolding he demanded, "Do you know who I am?!" When asked if he studied for the test, he said he studied for it, before he decided not to study for it. The teacher thought he was being a wise guy, but he insisted he was telling the truth. She assigned him to work on the Climate Change project. Her reason being, the climate "changes with the wind." It does not matter if Kerry get's it right or wrong, if he does it before he doesn't do it, or anything at all for that matter.

Barney Frank got in hot water for spending too much time in the mens room, again, which causes him to be consistently late for class. He said he liked the "boy's room" at which time a classmate yelled at him and called him a perv! He snapped back yelling he has a good buddy in Alabama, who would love to wack his bare butt with a paddle if he didn't shut up.

Chris Dodd  is scheduled to go before the school board for taking a bribe from the lunch lady. He insisted he paid for every single lunch, but it was found out that the lunch lady cut him a special deal. He caught her substituting ham with spam for lunch meat. She bribed him with a 50% discount on his lunches for not blowing the whistle. On the purchasing orders, she recording purchasing ham at .89 cents a lb. when she was actually purchasing spam at .49 cents a lb. and pocketing the difference.

Senator Reid got suspended for threatening his school with Reconciliation. The school is reconsidering his suspension, because he promised them anything they wanted for free.  He would make California pay for it. He said, "You know the old saying, if it's broke, don't fix it, and if it isn't broke, break it?" Reid is a very confused man.

Joe Wilson got a detention for yelling "You Lie!" during a classmate's speech. The teacher was "shocked". She said normally he's very respectful. Wilson couldn't explain his behavior. He said something came over him. He had to apologize to the classmate, the teacher, the class, the principal, the faculty, the school board, the entire student body, the parents, the citizens of the community and the United States of America. The teacher said she couldn't chance this kind of behavior again, so they're having him tested for several behavioral problems, including turetts syndrome.

Nancy Pelosi had to write 1000 times, I'm sorry I accussed School Security of lying. She insists she was never told that several suspects caught in a plot to bomb the school, would be forced to go skate boarding naked, in the middle of January around the Beltway. Even though this horrible and inhumane technique saved thousands of lives, Pelosi insists this was not disclosed to her. She insists she found out while driving to school one morning, and happened to see these poor suspected bombers skate boarding down the Beltway. It was a horrible sight! It was discovered later, not only did Pelosi know about it beforehand, she was the one that suggested the "no clothing" part. A very close friend of Pelosi admitted that Nancy avoids that route at all costs. She never takes that route unless she has an extremely good reason. Hmmm.....

Patrick Leahy got in school suspension for skipping school on several occasions. A few Vermont citizens know for a fact that he was MIA. He was seen sneaking in the back door of a building in St. Alban's, and also downtown Burlington while he was supposed to be in school. Quite the elusive one.

Rahm Emmanuel has to get counseling for bullying. He was seen jabbing his elbow into someones side, again. He claimed he didn't do it on purpose, but the teacher seems to think he has a hang-up about being shorter than his other classmates. She said she's fed up with his elbow and bad explisitives.

Kathleen Sebelus was sent to reform school for setting up a "girls club". Her girls club was really a secret society for girls who hated boys. This did not sit well with the school board, and was causing serious problems within the school. They even had fund raisers for the club and apparently collected a lot of money from people who thought this was a great organization. "These girls are angry," stated the faculty. "They need help dealing with their anger." Apparently, Kathleen was the leader of the group, and needed to be removed to restore order to the school enviroment.

Michelle Obama now has a restraining order and cannot enter the building. She was caught slapping Hillary and calling her "Whitey." Hillary said all she did was wear the same pant suit as Michelle. She wanted to be just like her. Michelle was extremely angry. She said she was humiliated and will never wear another pant suit again!

Chuck Schumer was sent home for falling asleep in class during John McCain's speech. Schumer said he just couldn't keep his eyes open. It would have probably gone unnoticed, since it seems the teacher was nodding off too, until Schumer's snoring woke her up, according to another student.

Barack Obama was expelled for stealing money out of the teachers pocket book. He said he was desperate. He wanted to be class president and needed the money to buy everyone ice cream after school. He wanted everyone to like him so they'ed vote for him. The teacher felt bad for him and wanted to give him a second chance. He's a sneaky guy. Seems the teacher has given him a lot of second chances. The other kids said he's the teachers pet. Always getting his way all the time. They said he smiles a lot, pays her lots of compliments and wears very clean clothes. The principal said he's no fool and enough is enough!

School V.P. Joe Biden has taken a leave of his senses, I mean a leave of absence. He will be hosting Saturday Night Live. SNL said they never had a host before that they didn't have to script, or pay. They are looking forward to Biden's hosting of the show, saying they will be as surprised as the audience, and expect a good laugh! All at Biden's expense! He said, "You know what they call me, the gift that keeps on giving! My gift is, I'll do it for free!" Can't help but love the guy, he's such a good sport.

Faculty member, Kevin Jennings is being reconsidered for his position as head teacher because he was caught trying to replace all the straight teachers with gay teachers. He thought it was the best way to teach the kids. He thought a real  "hands on" teacher would be the best role model. Parents were outraged, but some staff members were backing him.

Sadly, the teacher herself was let go. She thought it would be a great idea and would really help her students if she taught them The Pledge of Allegiance, and The Star Spangled Banner. Unbelievable what teachers think they can get away with these days! What is this world coming to! It's pure indoctrination! And those little American flag pins she sent home with them, pure propaganda!

What a day! Maybe the 2010 class will be a little more promising!